4 Feb 2013
Give me PEAS!!!
For some reason this session of the toxic nasties was way worse for me than the last. Without bigging myself up too much, I thought I handled the first round pretty well. I mean, I felt really rubbish for about 5 days but I still managed a few walks, had a few visitors and I had gradually returned to a fairly normal state by the end of week 2, which then gave me almost a whole week of feeling 'ok'. This time however has been different. I didn't know what feeling rubbish truly meant until Tuesday night. I won't bore you all with descriptions of my varying symptoms but last time seems like a walk in the park in comparison.
I am trying really hard not to be disappointed in how my body is coping after batch 2, but it really is letting me down. I haven't been on one walk. I've barely paid attention to one movie and I haven't even put make up on once (which means things really must be bad). Madre has had to hold me down whilst she slathers my face and hands in moisturiser because I am feeling too rubbish to care but she can see my skin flaking away before her very eyes. I have also had delirious moments where I have seen an imaginary visitor sitting on my bed (I even asked Madre to move out of their way). I then had the actual nerve to actively refuse any normal visitors because I couldn't even be bothered to talk (yes Daddy this is astonishing, I know). It's been a real weird week...
I have had all manner of food cravings, most of them I am convinced are because my body needed a nutrient that was in them. For example I have craved tomatoes, avocado, salmon and broccoli. To top it all I haven't gone one day without peas since last Tuesday. I honestly cannot have dinner without them. Worrying I know. My favourite moment so far was when I truly believed I couldn't survive on Sunday night if I didn't have pear crumble. All I wanted was hot pears and I didn't let Madre forget it! Don't worry she delivered and it was delicious. I have since learnt that you could feed me a meal of peas, broccoli and potatoes and I would be happy for life.
Apart from Madre and her magical nursing skills there is one other thing that has made a massive difference to this otherwise pretty rubbish week... A WHOLE BUNCH OF WONDERFUL PRESENTS AND CARDS. Honestly, I have been flabbergasted by everyones continued kindness and generosity. Almost everyday this week Madre has trotted into my bedroom brandishing a card or parcel for me to open. Each and everyone of them has made my facial expression turn from a painful grimace into a smile (albeit if only for a moment) and also I think provided Madre with a glimmer of hope that I am still human and have not in fact evolved into a chemobot (chemo induced robot). I got an amazing personalised onesie (photo to follow), a beautiful bobble hat, a jumper, some flowers and this AMAZING photo book of memories and well wishes (which almost made me shed a tear, I say almost because for those of you who know me well, this is a feat in itself as I am no big crier). Honestly, I am not expecting to be treated like this after every cycle but by golly does it do wonders to help lift a girl's spirit! So THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!
I am going to do a full post about my advice for chemo once I have finished all my rounds and I know I cannot claim to be an expert but this is my advice so far...
Listen to your body and if you won't do that then at least listen to your mummy (or other nominated carer).
You may not want to drink water, or eat an oat cake at 7am because you need to take a tablet with food but you have to nonetheless. Your skin may be flaking away and you may not care but it will love you a whole bunch if you moisturise it! Even better if you can convince someone else to do it for you. Note to self, Madre does a mean hand massage! Sometimes mother really does know best!
Have a fun event planned each week to look forward to.
For example I am REALLY looking forward to going out for lunch with Snoop Doggy Rob on Wednesday! (Mainly because I think we are going somewhere I can eat mushy peas and also I have been promised a healthy homemade banana loaf from Jane!).
Don't forget to smile.
It's hard to smile all the time I know and trust me I haven't been all smiles this week by any means, however, when I did manage a smile it helped both me and whoever was around me to cope just a little better. Even if I was only smiling because Madre bribed me with promise of some peas for tea and a cuddle before bed!
Love you long time. X